A Sort of Modern Memoirs
by Chibi Legolas
Summary: In this alternate universe, the elves did not sail west but stayed on Middle Earth. They live on through the ages, pretending to die every few decades, and the last remnants cling to each other for hope and companionship in a harsh modern world. Dark fic
1. Just Like Strangers

There was a ring at the door, and tentatively Legolas pulled open the inner one to see who was there. To his incredulous surprise, it was Haldir! He stood silent and expectantly, hands folded and lips slightly ajar as if he wanted to say something. For a moment, the two could only stare at each other through the tiny metal crosshatches of the screen.  
  
"It's been a long time..."  
  
"It has." Haldir leaned over to peer past Legolas' shoulder and it was then that the younger elf remembered his manners. Throwing open the thin screen door, he invited Haldir in.  
  
The room was pleasant, but too modern for the older elf's likings. He would have preferred something more rugged... something less human.   
  
His kitchen was wide and open, with a long counter that separated it from the diningroom. There were stools there, and Legolas motioned for Haldir to have a seat. There was tea on to boil, and for a moment the elf of Lorien closed his eyes and imagined perhaps that they were young again and the world was still new bearing yet more surprises everyday. His grey eyes had grown dim with his age and with the things he'd witnessed.  
  
"There are few of us left." His voice was raspy, as always, and sad. Haldir spoke for them both, for they were thinking the same thing.  
  
"I know."  
  
It is said that elves are so intuned to the minds of their own kind that they need not talk. Therefore their conversations were always brief with few words on either side.   
  
Legolas poured tea for the both of them. "Chai." He said softly, and he brought the cup to his lips, letting the aroma transport him to imagined lands with elephants and tall trees bejeweled with orchids and dangling vines. Haldir merely spun the mug in his hands, soaking in the warmth.  
  
For a long while, they sat like this. Niether wanted to admit that he was so lonely, bereft of the closeness that they had once shared with their people. The elves had been dying for a long, long, long time.... longer than can be remembered by anyone except maybe themselves.   
  
"How did you find me?"  
  
Haldir considered the thick liquid gone cold. He had not touched it. Time to elves was like sand to the ocean. Lap, lap, lap it away, and yet there is always so much more. He swallowed and his throat was dry. "It wasn't too hard. One can find anybody these days..."   
  
The other elf merely nodded, his medium-length hair brushing over his shoulders. He was still gorgeous. He was a model this time. Haldir thought back to his days as a popstar and could almost laugh. Almost.   
  
"And what are you doing with yourself 'these days,' hmmm?" Legolas gave him a slanted look. There was a gleam in his eye that had long since been extinguished in the eyes of other elves. With a twinge of remorse, Haldir wondered how he kept his spark.  
  
"Something quiet, as usual. Journalism... I'm a writer."  
  
"It's fitting for you." His nod was solemn.  
  
"Aye..."   
  
They relapsed again into an awkward silence. "Have you heard of Glorfindel, or any of them recently?"   
  
Haldir could only shake his head. "I've heard from no one. Although that rich athlete what committed suicide last week in Argentina... looked an awful lot like Elrohir..." He trailed off.  
  
"It might have been an out." Legolas got up and took their mugs to the sink. An 'out' was a way of changing your identity. Among the elves, it meant faking your death. Each one had done it many, many times; countless times. It was a necesity in order to live freely. "What are you going by?" He asked suddenly, on that same train of thoughts.  
  
For a moment, the question had taken Haldir aback. Then he remembered. "I am Coli Thornton... And you of course..."  
  
  
  
"...Are Loriel!" Grinning broadly, Legolas took Haldir's hand and shook it. "Welcome to the twenty-first century!"   
  
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Chibi Legolas: Not sure yet where I'm going with this. If you have any ideas, please feel free to drop me some lines. I'd love to hear. :) Thanks for reading. 


	2. Falling Stars

Haldir had refused to part with his hair. It hung long past his shoulders in silvery-white threads. When going out, he used it to cover his defiantly pointed ears; but he rarely went out.  
  
Legolas had thought himself qualmless about having his hair shorn to his shoulders into a rather messy mop. Yet, whenever he was with Haldir, a sort of resentment stirred deep inside him. More and more often, he ran his slender fingers through the pale golden strands and frowned when they came free at the base of his neck.  
  
"I think I'll grow it back, Haldir..." He said wistfully. He knew the girls wouldn't mind. Many male models had long hair.  
  
Haldir had invited him to share his home with him. He'd grown tired of being lonely, but he would never have admitted it. His house was a grand affair, built into the mountains. He'd fallen in love with it the moment he laid eyes upon it. There was a sloping lawn and a great wide porch. But best of all, the huge cabin was surrounded by giant pines that stretched up to tickle the brilliant blue sky. The had reminded him of Lothlorien.  
  
The same pleasant contentedness filled the younger elf when he came to visit Haldir for the first time. "Haldir! This is too nice to believe!" He whispered, and his voice was full of awe. "I've seen these kinds of houses on tv!" It made the old elf actually laugh.  
  
The foyer was thick with the scent of pine and old leather; the bathrooms and kitchen smelled of sage and sweet fern, and the other rooms faintly of cedar. The aromas were so familiar to Legolas, it almost hurt. He could not speak as he wandered down the hallways and in and out of doors. He had not realized how long it had been since he'd been near such things. It felt as though he had found his home after being a long time away.  
  
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The day Legolas moved in, they stripped down to tank tops and sweats and moved furniture, bags, and things around for hours. Their well-toned muscles glistened with their efforts when they were done. Haldir had given him the entire guest wing to himself. They showered, each in his own bathroom for the house was that big, and then they reclined with cups of tea on the porch to watch the sun set.  
  
"I love this place." Legolas' voice sounded detached. Haldir knew that it was his way of saying thank you, and he inclined his head.  
  
They sat in silence for a long while. "Sometimes I think about Elrond. I wonder where he is?" Legolas finally said. He carefully kept his eyes on the last glow of the horizon, overly aware of the person next to him. He had spent so many years by himself, it was hard sometimes to remember that he was in the presence of someone else.  
  
There was a soft rustle of cloth near him as Haldir shifted thoughtfully in his chair. "I don't know." He answered at last.  
  
"We've grown so apart... all of us."  
  
Haldir turned to look at him. His eyes squinted, and for the first time, he really studied Legolas' face. "Have you ever thought of marriage?"  
  
"No." His eyes fell and he grinned sort of sheepishly. "I've been too afraid to. She'd die, and then I'd be left alone again..." He trailed off because he had already said too much.  
  
Haldir felt sorry. He trained his eyes now on the stars just beginning to twinkle above. "How about an elf woman?" He ventured, a little uneasily.  
  
Legolas shook his head. He didn't explain why, though. A few minutes later, there was a sudden snicker in the dark. His voice grew cynical. "My fans think I'm gay."  
  
Although it couldn't be seen in the night, his expression was one of recoiling surprise. "Are you?" He didn't mean to sound so accusing.  
  
But Legolas shook his head again. "No... I just.... I don't know. I don't want anyone." He turned away from his companion.  
  
Haldir decided to leave it at that. He himself wanted no part of love. It frightened him. Yet, he yearned for the companionship of someone. Not love, really.... The close-knitness of the Elven city in Mirkwood or Lorien. That's what he missed. But those were forever gone now. Elves were cursed to be lonely, it seemed. The stars echoed this conviction; they were so far away, both from earth and from each other. He guessed that for those that fell, the seclusion had just grown too painful for them. They must have decided that to fall into burning oblivion was better than shining on in perpetual aloneness for all eternity. He felt pity for them. Absently, he reached a hand up and moved it slowly as though he caressed the gentle curve of the sky. "Poor pitiful stars..." He murmured barely audibly.   
  
"They have it better than we." Legolas sounded angry. He stood and went into the house, letting the door slam behind him.  
  
Alone again, Haldir sighed with relief. Now he couldn't see him weep.  
  
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Chibi Legolas: Sad, no? Geeze... it seems that I can't write a happy story... Hmmm, I will work on that. Thanks for all the reviews, guys! They're helping me figure out where I am going to go with this story. ^_^ Please, by all means, keep them coming! Woot woot! ;D 


	3. No Return Address

Waiting on the corner, Haldir watched for Legolas. He finally came, pulling up to the curb in the bright red convertible. Haldir hated the convertible. He didn't say anything about it, however, as he got in.  
  
"How'd it go?" Smoothly, Legolas swung the car away from the sidewalk and back into the street. Wondering vaguely at Legolas' good driving skills, Haldir shook his head.  
  
"Strange."  
  
It really had gone strangely. He was looking for a new publishing company. The representative had met him before, and had asked him to talk about contracts over lunch. He'd worn a false smile and a deep navy suit. The whole time, he'd watched Haldir suspiciously. The elf, in turn, had disguised himself as a man, wearing his long hair loose and donning a white shirt with ebony vest and dress slacks. The black garments always succeeded in making his already almost translucent skin look paler, if that was possible.  
  
The man had taken an extreme interest in his very quiet lunch guest. Some of his questions had caught Haldir off guard. There was something in the executive's eyes that Haldir couldn't identify; it made him exceedingly uneasy although he didn't show it. By the end of their meeting, the elf would have preferred drinking the restaurant's bitter coffee to talking to this man.  
  
Legolas gave him a slanted look. "Strange?"  
  
He'd asked Haldir if he'd ever heard of J.R.R. Tolkien. He answered no disinterestedly, which of course was a blatant lie. "I didn't like it."  
  
"Did you get your contract?"  
  
He merely nodded, then switched on the radio trying to ignore his hair flapping wildly around his head. The music that came blaring out, Rickie Lee Jones, was a sign that he didn't care to talk anymore about it.  
  
Legolas understood and kept his eyes on the road.  
  
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A few days later, Legolas came bounding into the house. His brow was furrowed in worried consternation. In his hands, he held a bundle of envelopes, their mail, but it was only one that held his interest above the others. Usually, he didn't bother the other elf in his study, but today he went straight for that room.  
  
"Hey, I think you should look at this. ...It's really rather odd." He added, extending the starched white envelope towards him. Haldir took one look at Legolas' worried face and his own grew wary. He took the envelope. It had only one thing written on it, and was addressed simply to "Haldir" in brown ink and a flowing hand.  
  
He stared at it for an excruciatingly long moment, unable to speak. Finally, in a hoarse voice he whispered, "Was this all there was?"  
  
Legolas nodded. "Nothing else with it. The rest of this is junk, and a magazine I ordered. There's no return address on it either." He pointed at the upper left hand corner. "Who ever sent it must have hand- delivered it to the office, and knew exactly which box was ours."  
  
Haldir's hands began to tremble. "...No one knows..." He didn't want to open it.  
  
"We can't return it unopened.... There's no add... Hey! Maybe it's from one of our kin!" Legolas brushed a hand supportively over his shoulder. His voice and eyes were hopeful.  
  
He let out a long, low sigh, then flipped the envelope over and carefully began to peel back the seal. Inside was folded scented paper. The two elves looked at each other nervously, then Legolas gave him a coaxing nod. With nimble fingers, he pulled the paper from the envelope.  
  
"If you are indeed reading this, then I suppose my convictions are  
right. At first, I thought it utter madness... Yet I cannot dismiss  
the evidence that I have collected. Elves exist. I have had my eye  
on you for a long time. That's right! You've been watched, my dear  
Haldir. And there's no use denying it! So... Tolkien must have  
enjoyed talking to your kind. He recorded all of your chronicles.  
Did you feel betrayed? Perhaps, and you had every right to. Which  
one of you was it? Surely not you. Legolas, perhaps?  
  
I will be in touch. In the meantime, enjoy your publishing contract!  
I do so enjoy your novels..."  
  
His temples began to pound, and his hands trembled freely now. His face, usually cold and expressionless as chiseled stone, was drained of all color and his eyes drooped. How could this be?! WHO could this be?! He leaned agains his desk where his papers and writing utensils were scattered across, and bowed his head. Who?! Who?! How?!  
  
Legolas snatched the paper from his grasp and stared at it dumbfounded. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it!"  
  
"What can we do? How long has he... has this person been spying? How long has it been known? Who could he have told?" Haldir buried his face in his hands. "It is all my fault! I am no good at deceiving men when in their midst."  
  
He felt a hand lay gently against his shuddering shoulder. "Shh... We must figure this thing out... Don't despair... we... we will figure all of this out." Legolas tried to sound confident, but he felt nothing of it. His hand loosened and the paper slipped to the floor. Neither dared touch it again.  
  
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Chibi Legolas: Haha, leaving you with a sort of cliffhanger. MAN, wouldn't that freak you out?! To find out that someone's been watching you?! Freaky.... Anyhoo, thanks to my reviewers! I think I have direction for this now. *evil grin* Until the next exciting update...  
  
P.S. I have no spell check, so forgive me please if there are spelling mistakes. I will be fixing them as I discover them, but I can't promise perfection. 


	4. Wounds Opened

He sat in the little garden behind the house, his once beautiful flawless hands calloused and caked with dirt. They were sore: he'd pushed himself too far again.  
  
A shadow fell across the dark mounds of earth before him. It was Legolas. "Haldir..."  
  
He didn't want to look up. Deliberately, without raising his head, he wiped his marred fingers on his worn jeans leaving dusty lines of brown. "What is it?" Haldir asked, his silky voice flat. But he already knew what it was.  
  
"Uh..." Legolas shifted nervously from one foot to the other. "There's another env... letter for you."  
  
It had been over two weeks since the last. Legolas had refused to touch the fallen letter on the floor of Haldir's study. With a broom and a dustpan, he'd carefully collected them up and dropped them unceremoniously into the trash bin. Even when he went to empty it, he carried the bag as though it contained a small time bomb that could detonate at any second; as though the buried letter could manifest some sort of physical power over him.  
  
That night, he awoke to a strange sound that seemed to echo through the entire house. Legolas wrapped himself in a thick robe and ventured out into the hall. The door to Haldir's bedroom stood ajar. Cautiously, he peeked inside. It was empty.  
  
His pointed ears twitched. There was that sound again! He followed it on silent feet to the living room. The ceiling and walls flickered, for the huge stone hearth was alight with a roaring fire that crackled and spit. Legolas gasped.  
  
Crouching before the fire was Haldir's bent figure. Unwillingly, Legolas moved towards him. He felt his eyes grow wide in horror.  
  
The sound was Haldir prying books, manuscripts, papers, notebooks full of scrawled writing, to pieces and tossing them into the greedy tongues of flame. Loose pages lay scattered across the floor like tattered flowers all around him. The most frightening part of the horrific scene was Haldir's face: the dancing orange light heightened the shadows of his features, that unearthly, wild expression.  
  
In a moment, Legolas was at his side. "Haldir! My friend, Haldir!" His cries were desperate. He grabbed the elf's shoulders as though he were clinging to life, and shook. "HALDIR!" But the spell cast would not be broken. His eyes were full of the clouded darkness that only demons were known for, and he gazed at Legolas as though he did not recognize him. Then he went back to his terrible work.  
  
"Haldir please!"  
  
The paper ripped in his hands, white as bleached bone, and the sound was a low moan heard above the laughing flames. It was a nightmare! All a nightmare! "HALDIR!" He cried again, and knew nothing else but to throw his arms around his hysterical friend, and began to drag him away. There was a brief struggle, and then whatever had had a hold on Haldir's mind finally drew away. He was left without energy, lying bewildered on the floor amidst his torn and crumpled, half-burned papers.  
  
"Where am I?" His voice was small and far away.  
  
"...Come to bed..." Whispered Legolas, and he led him back to his bedroom.  
  
After he'd seen him safely tucked into the welcome blankets... comforters, they call them... Legolas returned to the living room to dowse the fire. It smoldered, and he could almost swear that an evil voice taunted him from the hissing remnants of the carnage of words. He shuddered, taking a cardboard box and dumping the rest of the unburnt literature into it. He brought it outside and left it by the drive. Back in his own bed, sleep could offer no condolence to him that night; nor could it the next, or the next.  
  
--------------------- -------------------- ---------------------  
  
Haldir slowly stood and extended a hand towards him.  
  
Legolas gave over the envelope. He wished he didn't have to. It had rent his heart in two when he'd found it in the mail the day before. Hoping that by some miracle it would have disappeared, he'd left the envelope alone in the postoffice box. But today it was there again, ever waiting. Haldir pursed his lips until they were the suggestion of a line on his face. "Thank you." He muttered, then left seeking the seclusion of his study to read the new letter.  
  
"My Dear Elf,  
  
I don't doubt that the last letter I sent you must have caused a  
great deal of unease on your part. If you were foolishly thinking  
that perhaps I am the publishing company rep, you are indeed mistaken!  
I shall not be known that easily. But do know that I mean to cause  
you no harm. I am just interested. Interested, not only in you, but  
in your people. I am eager to learn about them and their ways. I  
want to know how you exist in a modern world... How you've gone so  
long without being discovered... I want to know everything.  
Everything, Haldir, everything..."  
  
It was signed in that same flourishing hand, "The Rememberer". That was odd, he thought. He realized then, that this letter did not frighten him so much. After all, there were other times when he'd been 'discovered' in his long life... But somehow, this time seemed different. There was something wrong about it, something his elf senses were warning him about ahead of time. Things that can't really be explained. Like the feeling one gets when they are being followed in the night, that inexplicable heightening of the senses when all is not well somewhere... Haldir felt that now, and it made him shrink with anxiety.  
  
Quickly, he crumpled the letter and tossed it away.  
  
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Chibi Legolas: There you are! How's that for updates?! ^_^ Thanks again to my reviewers. You guys are awesome, and you keep me going.  
  
Note: This is not how I picture Haldir, really... So this story stands by itself as far as my writing goes. Sorry again, about any spelling mistakes. No spell check. :(  
  
Take care folks! Will try to update again soon! ^_^ 


	5. A Hopeful Reach

Haldir had no TV, so when Legolas moved past the windows with the stacks of blaring screens, he stopped in his tracks, transfixed. "Elrond..."  
  
He'd have known Elrond anywhere. The steeply sloping eyebrows that were his signature feature; the chiseled cheekbones and set chin that gave him away as being one with a strong sense of determination. Legolas felt suddenly extremely self concious, with his golden shoulder-length hair pulled back behind his head in a tight ponytail. The mere image of his former mentor could create a sense of guilt in him. But he was glad to see his face again. Absently, he touched the glass.  
  
Lord Elrond was speaking into a microphone held by some woman with the news agency. His name flashed across the screen and Legolas committed it to memory: Morey Jules.  
  
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Hours later, he sat in Haldir's study tapping a pen against the cluttered desktop. The paper that lay in front of him was still empty. He was not good at writing as Haldir was; it was somewhat of a chore to organize his thoughts. Well, that's not quite true, he thought. He could think perfectly clearly. But to transfer his thoughts to another through words... That was the difficult part.  
  
Morey Jules. It sounded like a movie star's name. He wondered what Elrond was doing with himself. After all, elves had to find ways to busy themselves so that their infinite time may pass more quickly. Otherwise, the boredom would drive them mad. Or worse, to deep and bottomless depression.  
  
"Dear Elrond,  
  
It has been too long since I last saw you! You've been so long  
away. All of us have grown apart. How are you? I bear bad news. It  
seems that Haldir and I have been found out. We've been getting these  
letters in the mail, threatening us. What shall we do?  
  
You were always quick and wise in your advice. Once again, I  
seek your council.  
  
I wish to see you again, my good lord. Please, you must come  
and visit us someday or other... You are always welcome here! And I  
know you would love it.  
  
Sincerely yours,  
Legolas, former Prince of Mirkwood"  
  
It wasn't a brilliant letter. He knew that; it was short and to the point. He smiled to himself. Perhaps Elrond would respond. Perhaps he would visit, even! That was something to look forward to.  
  
Finally, there was something to actually look forward to!  
  
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Chibi Legolas: Thanks to all my reviewers!!  
  
Imbefaniel: How can elves be in the future when they grow older? ^_^ If Arda was in the future, the elves must then grow younger, no? Seems only logical. ^_^ And when have elves been people to leave behind any kind of trace? I believe that if they have chosen to disappear, disappear they will! Us meager humans could not comprehend the vast extent of their magic. ^_^ Anyways, that's my view and thank you for sharing yours! Look forward to reading more of your stuff!  
  
Well, that's all for now. ^_^ Updates as soon as I am able!! Taaa! 


	6. Creeping

A shadow crept around his bed. He could feel it; even in his sleep, he could sense its eyes upon him.  
  
He sat bolt upright in the dark. His room loomed up all around him like some giant box, and he felt as though he suddenly couldn't breath.  
  
But there was the cold breeze, making the curtains dance like white ghosts in the thick air. Haldir slowly drew off the covers and got up. The hardwood floor was cold against his feet and he promised himself again to get a rug. One of those thick furry ones, that felt as though you were walking on warm clouds.  
  
He moved towards the source of the chilly breeze, and slammed the window shut with a low bang. The glass rattled for a moment, a stunning sound that he likened to bones rattling. Then he turned to go back to bed.  
  
But something stopped him in his tracks.  
  
It was the realization that he never remembered opening it.  
  
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"I'm going into the city." Legolas was watching Haldir lock and staple all of the windows. He didn't answer. "For an important photo shoot...magazine ads..."  
  
Finally, Haldir nodded to acknowledge that he'd heard. "May I... go with you?"  
  
Legolas nodded.  
  
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As the car came over the last of the foothills, the city loomed gray and dirty into the sky. Haldir swallowed. It always gave him a suffocating feeling.  
  
"Could you stop and let me out at the park?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
The road turned into a street that wound through the tall buildings that gleamed like glassy towers in the sun. The sensitive noses of both of the elves tingled unpleasantly at the industrial air that seemed both foul and stagnant after the mountain air. Legolas pulled easily up to the curb next to the dapple of green that was the city park in the middle of all the silver, gray and black.  
  
As Haldir unbuckled his seatbelt and turned silently to open the door, Legolas could stand no more. "I told Elrond."  
  
Haldir's lips curled back in a scowl. "Elrond's dead."  
  
For once, Legolas looked hurt. "No he isn't! I saw him! He... He was on television."  
  
He paused, and turned to study the younger elf's face. "Where? When?"  
  
"Two, maybe three weeks ago... the day I was late because of a last minute fashion show. I was walking back to my car... I saw... In the windows of the RadioHut..." He was nervously wringing his hands. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry Haldir..."  
  
The older elf sank back into the seat of the car for a moment, staring detatchedly at the windshield. 'I want to just fade away...' He thought to himself. 'Fade away and cause no more trouble.' He sighed heavily, then dragged himself up and out. "Don't worry about picking me up."  
  
Legolas nodded. He didn't mention to Haldir how he'd been eagerly waiting for a return letter in the mail every day since. Nor how carefully he'd written out the return address on the envelope.  
  
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Chibi Legolas: I know! Painfully short... I'm working on it. Anyhoo, this fic's about to get REALLY dark. Just thought I'd warn you ahead of time. Well, maybe not "warn," but you know, inform... yeah. Anyhoo... Thanks for all reviews! Love yas! ^_^ 


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